


What to Buy

by Kreton



Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: Dialogue-Only, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-04-30 21:45:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5180849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kreton/pseuds/Kreton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Eddy has a successful scam, the Ed boys discuss what to do with the money.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What to Buy

An overly loud and proud Eddy sounded off "I can't believe they fell for it. We made sooo much cash."

"It certainly went better than expected. And our profits far exceed anything we've made before."

"Oh boy Eddy, now can we buy some apples? My mom said she would bake me a pie if I got her some apples."

"Sure, go crazy. Here's your cut. Get whatever you want."

"I like pie Eddy."

"Everyone likes pie you big lug."

"Wanna come and buy some apples too Eddy."

"Nah, I got better things I wanna buy."

"Like pickles? I've never had a pickle pie before."

"Ed, you might want to make haste if you wish to purchase those apples today. It's getting quite late."

"No time for pickles today Eddy. Maybe next time."

"Go get 'em lumpy, and save me a slice."

"We'll see you tomorrow Ed." His voice increasing in volume to reach a fading Ed. "Don't become distracted at the store. Buy your ingredients and leave."

"One bag of pickles please." Was the last thing they heard before he disappeared from sight.

"AHAHAHAHA!"

"Oh dear."

"So what are you gonna buy sockhead?"

"Well Eddy, I was pondering that very question. Some new slides for my microscope? Perhaps a stronger magnification eyepiece for my telescope. Then again I could use a new pen."

"A new pen? Boring! Why don't you go in with me and we'll find some dumb rube who will pick us up a new girlie mag."

"You have a stack of those Eddy. Why would you need another?"

"I've gone through them all a hundred times. I need new wank material. I'll even let you borrow it first if you chip in."

"Please Eddy, I have no need for such things. I don't do that."

"What? You don't jack off?"

"Exactly. I've never felt the need to...you know, masturbate."

“Really? Then what do you do when you feel like doing it?”

“Nothing. I don’t get those kinds of urges.”

“You don’t get horny?”

“Eddy, you know better than that.”

“I do?”

“All the times we’ve been together you should know better. Of course I feel _those_ urges. I just don’t feel a need to pleasure myself. It’s quite messy, not to mention the possibility of chaffing.”

“You’re putting me on. Everyone does it.”

“It may be true that a large portion of people do, but I’m not one of them. Now if you’ll kindly excuse me Eddy, I have some shopping to do.”

“You’ve never beat-off?”

*Sigh* “If you must know, I’ve experimented before, but I did not find the experience enjoyable.”

“Then you must be doing it wrong. I’ll tell you what sockhead, you help me get a new magazine and I’ll teach you how to use it.”

“Something tells me I’ll probably regret this, but I just can’t seem to say no to you Eddy.”

“Let’s get a move on. We’ve got a porno mag to buy.”

“What one does for love.”

Later in Eddy’s room, “I can’t believe how easy it is to convince some people to buy porn for a couple of teenagers.”

“You didn’t really give him a choice Eddy. Saying that you would falsely accuse him of soliciting drugs to the local authorities is not something you should be doing.”

“It’s his own fault for believing me. The important thing is we got what we wanted. Now come over here and I’ll teach you all about the babes and the bees.”

“That’s birds and the bees.”

“Birds are stupid. Here take this and get comfortable. No need for those pants either.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’ve got to set the mood. Make sure everything is locked for privacy, a little mood lighting, and some lotion to make everything go smoothly. Now sit down and start turning pages.”

“Oh my! There’s quite an assortment of erotic acts on display.”

“Yeah it’s a good one!”

“Eddy, why are you sitting behind me? Aaah! Cold!”

“Quit your whining. The lotion will warm up in a sec.”

“I thought you were going to have me do that to myself.”

“No sense learning though trial and error when I’m here to show you how it’s done. Turn the page will ya.”

“That feels so good Eddy…I’m about to…”

“Not on the mag Double D.”

“Eeeeddyy!”

“Thar she blows. Well that didn’t take long.”

“Thank you Eddy, but I must say, that would have probably gone the same way even without the superfluous material. May I use your tissues please?”

“Huh?”

“If you wanted to bring me back to you room and have your way with me then you simple could have asked. No need to create an elaborate plan to purchase this magazine.”

“What are ya talking about? Like I said, I wanted some new wank material. It’s not like every time I look at that book I’ll be reminded of you or anything.”

“In that case it was money well spent. Will you please hand me the tissues now?”

“No need to be in a hurry. We’ve got all night.”


End file.
